By Tom Lea
And so it begins. The wonderful season of blocking, punting, groaning, bitching, whining, winning, beer drinking, hilarity, and Chad Ocho Cinco.
It’s been a long summer. The Brewers suck, my golf game sucks, not being a college student anymore sucks and having a job that pays just a tad more than a gas station attendant sucks. So…..I need something to get me off.
By the way….Brett Favre sucks something harder than all of the suckiness that I encounter in my life combined.
So, without further ado, here are my picks for Week 1.
SUNDAY
Miami over Atlanta
-What better way to start the opening Sunday than to do it with an upset pick. It’s kind of minor, but hell, it’s how I pick. It’s the Lea way. Chad Pennington may have a noodle for an arm, but anytime that noodle transforms a 1-15 team to a playoff team in a division the Patriots play in, I will pick him over the Falcons anyday of the week. Plus, Matty Ice is poised for a sophomore slump and he will kick that s@#show off in week one.
Baltimore over Kansas City
-No brainer….
Philadelphia over Carolina
-McNabb, though he is the one who wanted Vick, feels the dog killer nipping at his heels.
He will be drowning in emotion at the start of the game only to see it hanging in the balance with a beaten up offensive line on the final drive. He’ll get it done with an electrifying performance in the fourth quarter en route to giving the Eagles the win.
Denver over Cincinnati
-I have been watching “Hard Knocks” on HBO, and as disoriented as the Broncos are, believe me, the Bungals are just as bad, if not worse. This may be shocking to you, but in Orton I trust.
Minnesota over Cleveland
-I thought about not picking the Vikings all year, but I decided against it. Favre throws 3 touchdowns and 2 picks en route to an easy 31-14 win. Excuse me, but I need to go vomit.
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Okay, I’m back.
Houston over New York Jets
-When it’s over, Houston will be the one delivering any dirty Sanchezes.
Jacksonville over Indy
-Here’s another upset pick…..call me stupid you will, but try me once, you’ll have to try me again twice. Wait, how does that go? I’m confused.
New Orleans over Detroit
-Believe me, I’ll be the first one in this damn thing to get the Lions’ first win in 13 years correct. Count it.
Tampa Bay over Dallas
-Yes, the Bucs fired their offensive coordinator. Yes, they have 31 quarterbacks on their roster. Yes, the Cowboy have “Mr. Dreamy” Tomo (See what I did there). But this will come down to a critical punt hitting the 3,000 foot long TV Mr. Jones put up above the field. Wait, I’m getting a call….
I guess it’s not in Dallas……f— it. Go Bucs Go.
Arizona over San Fran
-I’m not even wasting my time. Crabtree with 8 catches for 210 yards and 3 touchdowns…….
The GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MEN over Washington
-I don’t care, just wanted to type that out.
Seattle over St. Louis
-Oh, how I love Interleague play. Pujols will go 3-5 with 2 dingers. Ichiro will have 2,183 hits, but the Cardinals still win 8-4…… Oh s—, this is football?
I guess Seattle will take it.
The Pack over Da Bears
-And here they are…..S.U.P.E.R. B.O.W.L. champions……I’ll leave it up to you to decipher if I’m talking Packers or Bears.
MONDAY NIGHT
New England over Buffalo
-I hear this Tom Brady character is back. Personally, I thought Drew Henson was better.
San Diego over Oakland
-Merriman is just going to choke out the opponents.
-Sorry for cutting it off so soon, but I have six proud fantasy franchises to attend to.
Until next week,
Tom
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